


In the End it Doesn't Even Matter

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal, Anal Sex, Angst, Betrayal, Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Cute, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay, Gay Hinata Shouyou, Gay Kageyama Tobio, Gay Sex, Help, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Homophobia, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, Kissing, M/M, Partner Betrayal, Porn with Feelings, Romance, Shameless Smut, Smut, Volleyball Dorks in Love, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?, Yaoi, i am sad now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:27:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24128131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kageyama could not focus. How could he focus with Hinata over there doing whatever it was that he was doing? There was no way he wasn't doing that on purpose.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 19
Kudos: 111
Collections: Haikyuu!! Fics, Haikyuu!! Kagehina fanfic, Kagehina, Kagehina Fics





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so this is my first time writing anything Haikyuu. I've never written Kagehina, I've never written these characters, I've never writing anything yaoi, but I tried. I really tried guys.

Hinata was frustrated. He was doing everything he could to make Kageyama see him as more than just his partner, as more than just the guy who could hit his sets. He wanted to be more than just his friend. They had gotten a lot closer in the past couple of months, even to the point of being best friends, but that wasn't enough. It was frustrating that no matter how nice he was and no matter how much he tried to subtly flirt with him, he didn't seem to notice. He would have to try a different approach. 

The irony of this situation was that when he first met Kageyama, he couldn't stand him. He was obnoxious, he talked down to him, it was so annoying! All he wanted to do was surpass him, beat him, become better than him! And then they became friends. Hinata and never expected to become friends with his rival, but it felt nice. They still were at each other's throats half the time, but it was different somehow. They weren't rivals anymore. 

Only soon after becoming closer with the raven haired setter, he began to notice his feelings changing. He was distracted during practice, and his eyes always followed Kageyama wherever he went. He was beginning to focus more on him than the ball! It was getting ridiculous. It was pretty obvious that he had a crush on him and he didn't know what to do with it. He figured it would probably just go away within a couple weeks. A short trial of infatuation. Only it didn't. Everything Kageyama did made him fall even harder. He was an asshole sometimes, but he was a lot nicer to him than he used to be and they worked so well together. Sometimes when they were on the court, and they did one of their quick attacks, Hinata felt like they were one. He felt happier than ever when they did that, not just because it felt good to hit the ball, but because it made him feel closer to Kageyama than he ever did. 

He was sure that to some extent, Kageyama felt it to. There were moments where for a split second they would lock eyes, and Hinata could see the sparkle in Kageyama's. It was a sparkle that made him hopeful. If only he would be able to figure out if he actually liked him or not. The thing with Kageyama was, he wasn't very good at expressing himself. It took a while for Hinata to figure out whether he was happy or not. He understood him a lot better now, but it was still frustrating that he couldn't tell everything about him. He wanted to know if he was feeling sad or frustrated, he wanted to be there for him. But he also really wanted to know if he was attracted to him in the same way. So he started to mess around a little bit. While he was stretching, he would make sure that Kageyama was watching, and he make the stretch just a tad showy for the male. 

He'd bend down to touch his toes and make sure that his shirt fell down just a bit, showing off the abs he was oh so proud of. He made sure that Kageyama would be watching from behind so that he could get a good look at his ass. He took extra time to stretch, every movement slow and deliberate. As he stood up and sighed softly. "Don't you just love stretching before practice, Kageyama? It gets my blood flowing and really makes me pumped!" He searched Kageyama's face for any sign of reaction to him, but his face was annoyed as ever. Though he did catch a slight bit of redness on his cheeks. Was it possible that it had worked? 

"Why are you so random, Hinata? And tuck in your damn shirt" he groaned, causing Hinata to cross his arms. 

"That wasn't random! And I was gonna!" he exclaimed as he worked to tuck in his shirt. His heart dropped. It didn't work. He would just have to try even harder. 

* * *

Kageyama could not focus. How could he focus with Hinata over there doing whatever it was that he was doing? There was no way he wasn't doing that on purpose. Every time he moved, he looked over at Kageyama, and every stretch he did showed off his muscles. What right did he have to actually make himself look hot? Hinata was stupid. Hinata was a big dumb dork that Kageyama despised. He was annoying, he was hyper, he was like a puppy, always begging for peoples affection and love. He was so damn frustrating half the time. But what was most frustrating was how attractive he was. It wasn't fair. Kageyama was practically head over heels for the tangerine headed boy, but he would never admit that to Hinata. He had to force himself to keep a straight face even when Hinata was doing _that._

Kageyama wished he could look away, he wished he could keep himself from liking that boy. It would never be approved of by his family or the people at school around him. But Hinata made him forget all of that. Kageyama could pretend that those people didn't exist when he was looking at Hinata, but at the same time he just really wanted to look away.

"Don't you just love stretching before practice, Kageyama? It gets my blood flowing and really makes me pumped!" It sure had Kageyama's blood flowing. Flowing to places he did not want it to. 

"Why are you so random, Hinata? And tuck in your damn shirt," he told him, trying to keep his cool. He really wished that they would start practice already. He needed a distraction.

"That wasn't random! And I was gonna!" Hinata whined. Kageyama had half a mind to slap him on the back of his pretty little head, but Sugawara yelled at him before he could bring his hand down. Why did the redhead have to be so annoying? 

They began practice and Kageyama managed to get his mind off of Hinata, at least for the most part. The less he thought of him, the better. He could never completely stopped thinking about the boy, however, his dorky, sunshine smile always burned into his mind. He had fallen hard for him and that was so annoying. Not only was it not okay, he really wasn't supposed to have a crush on anyone. Crushes were ridiculous and childish, and he should have been focused on volleyball. It wasn't his fault really. Hinata had that way with people. He always managed to impress and grab the attention of other people. He was constantly in the spotlight, moreso now than even Kageyama himself was. He had an energy about him that made everyone around him want to do better, whether it be to beat him or become as good as him. He was more determined than anyone Kageyama had ever known. He didn't want to admit it, but he really admired that. 

He loved the way Hinata moved. His speed, his jumps, the way the muscles in his thighs tensed as he jumped into the air, the way his back curved as he spiked, it messed with Kageyama more than he liked. He didn't want to feel all hot and bothered during practice, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't take his eyes off of Hinata. He needed to get rid of these pent up feelings or else it would get in the way of his playing. It already was. 

"Kageyama! Get your head in the game!" Daichi yelled. Kageyama's cheeks reddened and he nodded sharply. 

"Sorry!" He scowled at Hinata, who jumped, asking what he did. He didn't answer, but in his head he thought _just about everything._

Practice was over. Now Kageyama could shower and go home and hopefully get Hinata out of his mind. He sat down on the bench, taking a drink of his water, taking a small break before he headed to the showers. Without looking up, he felt Hinata's presence in front of him and he felt a shiver go down his spine. 

"You did great, Kageyama!" he explained. "I wish we could have practiced more though." Kageyama looked up and his eyes met with the sight of Hinata wiping sweat off his face with his shirt, showing almost all of his stomach. His skin glimmered in the light, and his shorts hung down just enough to show part of his boxers. Kageyama's cheeks burned and he swallowed, trying to tear his eyes away. He hoped that Hinata couldn't see the blush on his cheeks, and he really hoped that he could keep himself calm for just a few more minutes. _Please stop it Hinata, please stop. For the good of us both, please._

"Yeah, s-so did you," he said dryly. He glanced to the side. He really needed a shower. 

"Hey!" Hinata grabbed his attention again. "Wanna hang out? My family is out and I'm gonna be really bored." He pouted, giving Kageyama big puppy-dog eyes. Kageyama didn't want to risk going over to Hinata's house, especially if his family wasn't there, but he couldn't resist the look that the shorter male was giving him. 

"Ugh fine! Only because I pity your lonely ass," he said as he stood up. Before Hinata could say anything back to him, he left to take a shower. 

* * *

Hinata saw that. He saw how Kageyama blushed as he purposely revealed his abs to him. He could hear the dryness in voice, and he was almost certain he had swallowed. This was it for Hinata. He had a semi-conformation that Kageyama liked him back. He invited him over to completely confirm his suspicions. He wanted to try a few things and see how they went over. Though, he wished that Kageyama has responded differently to his invitation, but that was just how Kageyama acted. He was the type of person that was perpetually annoyed unless he was extremely happy or excited. He only hoped the he could get him excited enough. 

They rode their bikes to Hinata's house in silence. Hinata's heart was pounding for some reason. Perhaps he was hoping for too much to happen. It was likely that nothing would happen between them and they would just end up hanging out like usual, leaving Hinata disappointed as usually. He didn't know why he had never tried to fully get Kageyama's attention until now. He had a hunch that things would work out, but there was a chance that things could take a turn for the worse. It didn't really matter. Of course Hinata would be hurt and probably never like anyone again, and he would probably begin to fail at volleyball if Kageyama rejected him, but that wasn't so bad. He swallowed, his stomach turning. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. 

"What's up with you, Hinata? You look like a sheet of paper," Kageyama commented as they walked inside. Hinata jumped and chuckled lightly. 

"Oh, it's nothing! I think I just need some water." He grabbed his water bottle and took a big chug of it. Kageyama sighed, shaking his head gently. 

"Don't pass out, dumbass," he mumbled. Hinata nodded. 

"Uh yeah, right." 

They spent most of their time hanging out as usually. Watching a couple recorded volleyball matches, talking about practice and future games, eating. Hinata was trying to find his confidence again. He had felt confident earlier while showing off, but now that they were alone, all of that confidence had drained. He really wanted Kageyama to know how he felt, no, he _needed_ him to know and he needed to know if Kageyama felt the same. They were currently sitting on Hinata's couch, and even though Hinata was nervous, he had a few things up his sleeve. 

He sat criss-cross-applesauce, letting his shorts ride up his thighs and he stretched his arms over his head. Kageyama wasn't paying attention as far as he could tell. It was really getting on his nerves that the setter just wouldn't look at him. He couldn't just keep giving him hints, he needed to be blunt. It made every nerve in his body tingle, just the thought of touching Kageyama, and his heart raced. What was he going to do? Was he going to swallow his nerves and just go for it. He had to. He couldn't take it anymore, and he was getting hard just by the thought of even putting his hand on Kageyama's thigh. So he did. 

He reached over and put his hand on the middle of his thigh, squeezing ever so slightly. Oh that felt good. But how would Kageyama react? What would he do? He looked up into his blue eyes, trying to keep himself from trembling. "K-kageyama," he said softly. Kageyama looked down at him, then at the hand on his thigh, then back to Hinata. 

"H-hinata...what the hell..." He tried to sound annoyed, he tried to sound cool like he always did, but the touch of Hinata's hand sent shivers down his spine. His throat felt dry, and as he looked into the smaller boy's eyes, he saw the hunger that was there behind the obvious nervousness. He couldn't let this happen. It would ruin them both. They would both just get hurt in the end. But Hinata was so...gorgeous. He knew it wasn't long before he wouldn't be able to say no. 

"Kageyama," Hinata said again, this time in a firmer tone. 

"What do you..." 

"I like you." It took all of Hinata's strength to say that, and now his face was burning red, and everything around him felt suffocatingly hot. He shouldn't have said that, he shouldn't have done that. Where was this going, what would he do? What would Kageyama say? Why was he being so quiet, what was wrong? He thought he had a chance, he thought Kageyama felt the same. 

Hinata removed his hand and stood up. He wished he could leave, but this was his house. He couldn't just tell Kageyama to leave, it was his fault he had ruined everything. Now they would never be friends again. Tears stung Hinata's eyes and he wiped the away harshly with his arm. "Sorry," he managed to mumbled, his voice cracking. Suddenly, a hand grabbed his wrist and he was pulled back onto the couch. He gasped, trying to make sense of what Kageyama was doing when he was pulled into a kiss. His eyes widened in shock, but he melted into it anyway. 

Hinata's lips were soft against Kageyama's, softer than he would have pictured. He didn't know what had gotten into him. He knew this shouldn't be happening, but for now, maybe he could just let this be. He couldn't just reject Hinata. Not now. He wanted Hinata so badly it hurt. He needed him. His instincts had taken over, clouding his judgement. Only that didn't matter now. Suddenly, nothing else mattered. The kiss was sloppy, and it was obvious to both of them that neither of them had ever kissed anyone before, but it felt great. All the anxiety Kageyama felt about this melted away and he forgot. As he pulled away, Hinata looked into his eyes, searching. 

"So do you...?" 

"Yes, dumbass." He glanced away, blushing. Hinata grabbed his face, turning him to look at him and his heart beat hard against his chest. 

"Perfect..." Hinata kissed him roughly and Kageyama kissed back with just as much force. He licked Hinata's bottom lip and slid his tongue inside his mouth, frantically trying to feel more. They panted, kissing repeatedly, following each other's lips, craving more, never wanting it to end. Eventually they separated, eyes glazed over, saliva connected between them as they pulled apart. Kageyama was clearly aroused, and Hinata the same. They both knew what they wanted, it was just a matter of who would initiate first. 

Hinata moved closer to Kageyama, then rested himself on his lap, his knees straddling his thighs. He ground against him, prompting a soft moan Kageyama that he stifled with his hand. He pushed his hips forward, his cock begging for more friction. Hinata gasped, continuing to grind against him. He reached behind Kageyama and squeezed his ass. Kageyama arched his back and tilted his head, which allowed Hinata to begin kissing at his neck. The soft kisses tickled Kageyama's nerves, sending sweet waves of pleasure through his body. Hinata's dick was already dripping with precum and he was beginning to feel lightheaded from all the blood that was flowing downwards. "Kageyama," he groaned, nipping the skin of Kageyama's collarbone. 

"Bedroom," Kageyama replied, to which Hinata nodded quickly. He lifted Hinata up, and he threw his arms around his shoulders. It was a good thing Hinata's room was just a short distance away because he wouldn't have made it very far with Hinata grinding his hips into him. The wasted no time in taking off their shirts, hands wandering aimless, touching whatever bare skin they could. Kageyama laid Hinata down on the bed and began to kiss his neck and shoulders, licking and sucking softly as his hands roamed his stomach, chest and sides. 

"Ngh, K-Kageyama!" He bucked his hips upwards in order to get more friction. Kageyama bit down softly against his shoulder, causing Hinata to whimper. "Kageyama, I-I want to be on top," he said. Kageyama's eyes widened for a moment, surprised at his request, but he shook his head. Hinata wasn't having that. He used as much strength as he could muster and rolled Kageyama over, and straddled his waist. He ran his hands down his abdomen and hooked his fingers inside the waistband of his shorts. "Off." Kageyama nodded and allowed Hinata to pull down the shorts. He quickly discarded them, and Kageyama reached up to help Hinata take off his own. Both were left only in their boxers and each of them sported impressive erections. The front of Kageyama's underwear was darkly stained with his precum, and Hinata licked his lips. "Is this because of me?" he asked smirking. He palmed him through the thin fabric and Kageyama moaned. 

"Y-yes, ah! Just get on with it already!" Hinata smiled and bent down, kissing his chest softly. He shivered as their groins gently brushed together. It was about time they stopped the foreplay. He wanted this; Kageyama wanted this. 

He slid his boxers down his legs and Kageyama removed his own. Hinata stared, eyes wide and full of lust. Kageyama was big, bigger than he expected, and he was suddenly wary of going down on him, but it was a challenge he was willing to take on. Hinata Shouyou never backed down from a challenge, and his wasn't about to now. Kageyama reached up and put his hand behind Hinata's head, pulling him down into a hot kiss. "Mm~ Shouyou," he groaned. Hinata's dick twitched and he moaned against Kageyama's mouth. 

"T-tobio! Fuck me, p-please fuck me," he whined. Kageyama smirked. Hinata rarely swore, which meant that he was really ready for this. Kageyama brushed his fingers against Hinata's lips and his mouth hung open slightly. He leaned into his touch and hummed softly as he waited for Kageyama to do what he wanted. 

"Suck," he commanded. Hinata took his fingers in his mouth, slowly sucking on the digits as drool ran down his chin. Kageyama could feel his arousal growing almost painful as he imagined what else Hinata could do with his mouth. Once they were dripping with his saliva, Kageyama took them out and rubbed his middle finger against Hinata's hole. Hinata ground his erection against Kageyama's, moaning softly. Kageyama inserted his finger and Hinata gasped. He moved inside of him, preparing him to take his cock. 

"Please, more, I need more. Ha, I n-need you inside of me. Please Tobio!" Kageyama continued to tease Hinata, nearly removing his finger multiple times as Hinata continued to move his hips, nearly begging him to do more. He added another finger, scissoring them inside. Hinata bit his lip, swallowing down the ungodly noises his body was forcing him to make. "Dammit Kageyama!" Kageyama chuckled and removed his fingers then aligned himself with Hinata's hole. 

"Are you ready?" he asked gently. Hinata nodded. 

"Yes, please, just do it," he whimpered. Kageyama smirked and pushed his dick inside of Hinata, slowly moving in centimeter by centimeter. "Ohh~" Hinata groaned. His body was filled with mixed feelings of pain and pleasure as he pushed himself downward, taking in almost all of Kageyama. 

"Sh-Shouyou, ahh- you're s-so tight," he moaned. He grabbed Hinata's ass with both his hands, giving it a hard squeeze. Hinata bit his lip to keep in his sounds, his face red from embarrassment. "Don't hold back, I wanna hear you." 

"Th-then I want to ah! H-hear you too," Hinata stuttered. "Mm, ha, you're so big. K-kinda hurts."

"A-are you alright? We can stop any time." 

"N-no. Mmh! I wanna keep going. It feels good too."

Kageyama nodded and slowly they began to move as Hinata got used to the feeling. He moved on top of Kageyama and he pushed his hips in response. Hinata was dripping, his cock painfully hard and he was already close to cumming. Kageyama took his shaft in his hand and rubbed the tip with his thumb, making Hinata whine loudly. "Ah!~ M-more!" he exclaimed. "Touch me more! Please!" Kageyama moved his hips, falling into Hinata's rhythm as he ran his hand up and down his shaft. Using his free hand he squeezed Hinata's butt again. "Mm! Tobio!" Kageyama could have cum just from hearing the sweet sound of Hinata's voice. Nothing could be heard except for the combined moans and pants of both men and the sound of skin against skin. Hinata continued to moan Kageyama's name and he began to loose his resolve. His head spun in ecstacy, the air around him felt hot. Hinata's moans were the only sounds he could hear apart from his own panting. He had never felt such pleasure in all his life. 

"Shouyou~ ah, Sh-Shouyou!" Kageyama stammered. 

"Tobio!" Hinata responded, gripping Kageyama's hips. He felt a knot form in his stomach, white hot pleasure washing over him. "I-I'm, I'm g-gonna, I'm gonna cum- ha! Ah, mm!"

"M-me t-too." Hinata let out a shuddering moan as he came all over Kageyama's stomach and Kageyama lasted a few second longer, coming inside Hinata before he had a chance to pull out. He gave a few more thrusts before sliding out, his seed running down Hinata's leg. 

"Th-that was amazing," Hinata exclaimed as he collapsed on top of the raven haired male. Kageyama kissed him softly and bit his lip, tugging on it. "A-ah, you're going t-to make me hard a-again," Hinata stuttered. Kageyama smirked, kissing him again. 

"Is that so, hm?" He kissed down Hinata's jaw, leaving a trail of kisses that went all the way across his shoulders. He kissed his chest then placed his mouth around the nipple and sucked roughly. Hinata sighed, letting Kageyama touch him however he wanted. His dick was slowly becoming hard again, which was obviously what Kageyama wanted. "I'm going to make you cum again. I want to fuck you again and again until you can't even walk. God, you are so beautiful," he groaned, running his hands down Hinata's thighs. He massaged and squeezed them as he went feeling the firm muscle. Hinata's mouth hung open, his eyes half lidded as Kageyama made his way down his body, kissing him and leaving dark marks. "Stand up." Hinata obeyed, pushing himself off the bed. Kageyama got on his knees. He slowly licked the tip of Hinata's cock, gliding his tongue underneath and around it. It tasted kind of weird, but not bad. He slowly wrapped his lips around it and began to suck while Hinata reached down and grabbed his hair. After a moment, Kageyama got used to the feeling and he sucked harder. Hinata pushed his hips forward, hitting the tip against the back of Kageyama's throat. He gagged slightly, but continued to suck and move his tongue around it. Hinata moved with him, his soft moans coaxing Kageyama on. He repeatedly hit the back of his throat, causing him to gag even more, but he didn't let up. Drool ran down his chin and coated Hinata's cock. The sight that Hinata beheld below him was truly amazing. He wanted to keep that image of Kageyama in his head forever. Eyes glazed, mouth wrapped around him, drool running out of the corners of his mouth. His lips were swollen and red, eyes hooded and full of a dark lust as he hallowed out his cheeks.

He sucked faster and Hinata moaned loudly. His head with foggy and all he could do was _feel._ It was amazing, euphoric, better than anything he had ever fantasized about. He was getting close again and his legs were shaking beneath him. "Oh~ Tobio~ I'm going to...ha...again." He couldn't take it. His stomach felt tight and he pulled Kageyama's hair. Kageyama continued to move, bobbing his head, his nose brushing against the base. Hinata cried, coming again. Kageyama gagged again, but managed to swallow the salty fluid down. Hinata sank to the floor, his body quivering no matter how much he tried to stay still. Kageyama met his lips again, but this time the kiss was less passionate and far more gentle. It was loving. 

"I love you, Tobio," Hinata mumbled softly. Kageyama's eyes widened, and for a second Hinata thought he shouldn't have said that, but then Kageyama smiled. It was a real, genuine smile. He kissed his forehead, and Hinata blushed. 

"I love you too, Shouyou," he said smiling. Hinata beamed, his pulse racing. He tackled Kageyama in a hug, knocking him to the floor. He began kissing all over his face giggling when he managed to get a soft laugh out of the stoic setter. "Agh, quit it dumbass!" He was smiling, and that made Hinata happier than ever before. 

"Sorry Bakageyama," he smiled. Kageyama swatted at his head. "We should clean up." 

"Yeah, you sure made a mess." Hinata's jaw dropped and he frowned. 

"As if you didn't too!" 

"Which one of us came twice?" Kageyama raised a teasing eyebrow at him and he crosses his arms, pouting. 

"Th-that was your fault..!" he retorted. Kageyama smirked. 

"Oh, was it?" 

"A-anyway, let me just get a towel..." He got a clean towel and some wipes and the both worked to clean each other off. Hinata changed his sheets to get rid of all evidence and opened his window to rid of the smell of sex in the air. "Well that's all done." He picked up his clothes, contemplating whether or not to get dressed. "H-hey, do you wanna shower with me?" Kageyama looked up and pink traveled across his cheeks to the tips of his ears. 

"S-sure." 

"U-um, good! I'll get it started then..." Hinata dashed to the bathroom and turned on the water. He rubbed his cheeks to get the uncomfortable burning out of them, but they continued to glow red. He didn't know why he suddenly felt so shy, so timid. They had just had sex! He should have felt completely comfortable, right? He hoped that things wouldn't be awkward now, but Kageyama did say that he loved him. So now perhaps they could start dating. Hinata smiled. That sounded nice. 

Kageyama joined him in the bathroom and they silently stepped into the shower. They stood under the warm water for a few minutes, awkward silence drenching them. Hinata began to rub the soap over his body when Kageyama took his hand, stopping the motions. He looked up at him, tilting his head. Kageyama's heart leaped. "C-can I?" Hinata smiled softly, nodding. He took the sponge and began to wash Hinata off. Kageyama found himself admiring his body, but it was more than a sexual feeling that crossed his mind. This short, lean redhead was so powerful. He wasn't the best on the team, but he was so strong. No matter what he faced, he always pushed himself forward. Despite appearing small, his body held muscle and strength that no one would imagine. 

As Hinata took his turn to wash Kageyama, Kageyama was hit was a very harsh reality. There was no way that Hinata could be his. He hadn't even considered what this meant, what the consequences would be of this. His parents would never accept this relationship. They loved Hinata, but that wouldn't be enough for them. They were kind people, but their kindness only went so far. As soon as they found out what Kageyama and Hinata's relationship, it would all be over. They would never let Hinata see Kageyama. It was possible they could get kicked off the team. He didn't know where his teammates stood on this subject; what if they hated Hinata for it? He stomach turned. Why had he let his feelings cloud what he had been telling himself the whole time? Why had he kissed Hinata, why had the stupid boy confessed? If he hadn't confessed, Kageyama surely wouldn't have kissed him. He couldn't tell Hinata that he knew people would hate him for what he was. It would be better to just end things there. He didn't need to know that Kageyama personally knew people that would never accept him. 

Kageyama continued rubbing down Hinata with lackluster movements. Hinata began to feel self-conscious, unsure why his lover's mood had changed so suddenly. They hadn't spoken a word to each other the entire time, but at first the silence had been pleasant. Now Hinata felt his stomach turning and he shuddered despite the hot water. They both stepped out at the same time and they dried themselves off, not making eye contact. Kageyama quickly left the bathroom and Hinata followed after him. Kageyama picked up his clothes and threw his shirt over his head. 

"Sleep over?" Hinata asked softly, tilting his head. Kageyama shook his head. 

"No." 

Hinata swallowed, a heavy weight resting in his chest. "B-but-" 

"I gotta get home. I didn't even tell my parents where I was." Kageyama finished getting dressed and walked into the livingroom to grab his bag. 

"But you've stayed over without asking before- j-just text them or something-" Hinata practically begged, now feeling panicked. Kageyama turned and gave him a sharp glare.

"I don't want to stay over, Hinata," he said flatly. "I got what I wanted, I want to go home now." Hinata dropped his shoulders, deflated. He looked off to the side. The sound of his last name stung, and the words 'I got what I wanted,' branded themselves into his mind. _Don't cry, don't cry._

"Fine," he mumbled. "Do what you want." Kageyama started at him for a moment then turned and walked out the door. As soon as the door was shut behind him, Hinata's throat tightened and he let out a pained cry. He turned and raced to his room, slamming the door behind himself. He picked his clothes off the floor as tears ran down his cheeks continuously. No matter how much he wiped them away they kept coming. He hugged his clothes tightly to his chest and curled up on his bed as an onslaught of sobs and tears wracked his body. He tried to choke back his cries, but had no success. His shoulders shook and he gasped as each sob left him completely out of breath. His chest hurt, physically _hurt._ Every muscle in his body tensed. The large, hot tears soaked his pillow in a matter of minutes and he made no effort to move his head. He didn't care if his hair was matted to his face from the tears or if his pillow was stained for good. He had never felt more betrayed in his entire life. 

* * *

"Damn it. Damn it!"

Kageyama clenched his teeth as he stood outside the door to Hinata's house. He could hear Hinata crying and it broke his heart, but it was better this way. Wasn't it? Kageyama squeezed his eyes shut to keep himself from crying. He needed to leave. Hinata would be fine, he would get over this. He could think of this as just a fling- it didn't mean anything. Then of course, he remembered what he had said. _I love you too._ Kageyama growled as he got onto his bike. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have been so selfish? He didn't think anything through, and now they were both hurt. 

It was too late now. He was already racing back to his house on his bike and Hinata's heart had already been broken. It was for the best. That is what he continued to tell himself. It was better that Hinata blamed Kageyama. It would be better that his sweet, fragile heart not be crushed by others who would despise him for what he was. 

When Kageyama arrived home, he immediately went to his room. He was asked if he wanted dinner, they asked him what was wrong, but of course he couldn't tell them. He couldn't bear the thought of being shunned by his own family. The very idea made his sick. Although, he realized, it didn't make him as sick as what he had just done to Hinata. He tossed and turned on his bed. All he could see was the look of despair on his face as he shut him down. _I got what I wanted._ He wasn't cruel. What he had done was only to protect Hinata. So why did he feel so guilty?

He went to sleep with tears in his eyes. He didn't sleep well, and the next day he dreaded going to practice. He avoided Hinata as much as he could, and it seemed like Hinata was also avoiding him. He hardly saw him for the whole day except for a couple of brief glances. Kageyama felt extremely guilty but he continued to tell himself that it was okay. He felt like he had lied to Hinata, and in a way he had- just not in the way that Hinata thought. He knew Hinata would never view him the same way again, and that stung him more than any physical injury ever could. He felt like he did when they lost against Aoba Josai, only worse. He wanted to scream. He was such an idiot.

Practice went by in a slow, agonizing blur. Of course Ukai would have them practice their quick attack, which meant they had to work together a lot. It did not go well. Kageyama couldn't concentrate and neither could Hinata. Kageyama kept setting the ball too low or too high, and Hinata couldn't adapt to it. His jumps were lackluster and he wasn't running nearly as fast as he should have. Nearly everyone noticed this, and the two of them were pulled aside. 

"Hinata, you seem really out of it today," Sugawara noticed softly. "Is everything okay? Did you and Kageyama get into a fight again?" He glanced over at Kageyama who Daichi was currently talking to. Kageyama was staring at the floor, scowling. 

"No, nothing's wrong!" Hinata exclaimed, almost too enthusiastically. "Everything is fine. Kageyama and I are fine." It was quite evident to Sugawara that Hinata was lying to him. Every couple of seconds he would glance over at Kageyama and then back if he thought Sugawara wasn't paying attention. He knew the Hinata and Kageyama weren't always on the best of terms, but they had seemed closer lately. He hoped that whatever had happened wouldn't affect their playing, or their relationship for too long. 

"Tomorrow is the weekend guys, get some rest! But not too much because we still have practice!" Ukai yelled. "Hinata, Kageyama, clean up!" The two nodded and began picking up the balls and setting the gym in order. They worked at a normal pace for the rest of the team, but they usually raced each other to see who could get done first. 

"Yeah, I'm officially worried about them," Sugawara said shaking his head. 

"They'll be fine," Daichi assured him. "They always pull through. If they don't, I can just kick them out again," he chuckled. He was joking, and there was no way he would do that. He fully trusted that they had just gotten on each other's nerves. There was nothing to worry about. They would be fine. 

_I'm fine,_ Hinata and Kageyama thought. _Everything is fine. I will be fine._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning! PANIC ATTACK  
> I tried to write it as realistly as possible. 
> 
> So, this fanfiction is going to be a lot longer than I anticipated. I originally meant for it to be two chapters, but um, looks like it's not going to go that way. Be prepared for some ANGST AND DRAMA.

Kageyama returned home and tossed his bag on the couch. He was starving from practice, but didn't exactly feel like eating. He hadn't really eaten much at all that day, which showed itself in the way he played- but also the fact the he and Hinata were at odds with each other. There was no doubt that Hinata was very hurt. He could see it written all over his face. As Daichi and Sugawara lectured them during practice, he caught Hinata glancing at him multiple times out of the corner of his eye. It was painful to see. He knew that Hinata hated him now, but at least the little redhead didn't hate himself. That was all that Kageyama wanted. He couldn't stand to see him bullied. 

At dinner, he picked at his food. The conversation was dull, and he was dreading the question that often came during his family meals. "So, have you gotten yourself a girlfriend yet, Tobio?" It was always asked in a teasing manner, made to poke fun at his often sour expression and loner attitude. What his family didn't realize was that he did not want a girlfriend, and he would never have a girlfriend. He could not force himself into a relationship with someone he could never be attracted to. He wished he could tell them, but it took so much courage to come out, and he was a coward. 

"Could you please stop asking me that question?" he groaned in frustration. His dad chuckled, giving him a slap on the shoulder. 

"I know, I know. Isn't there any girl you like though? You know a woman makes the man. People might start thinking you're gay!" he teased. Kageyama clenched his teeth and stood abruptly. He had had enough of this. 

"Do you ever just shut up??" he yelled. His dad raised his eyebrows and his mom stood up, placing her hands on her hips. 

"Young man, apologize to your father or you will not be going to practice for the rest of the week," she snapped. Kageyama scowled. The last thing he wanted to do was apologize. 

"You have no idea what you're talking about, okay?" he exclaimed, looking at his dad with a fire burning in his eyes. One thing that Kageyama was always good at amongst many things, was his ability to intimidate other people and show his anger just through one look. "Who the hell cares if I have a girlfriend or not, or if people think I'm gay? Is that so much of a problem? I don't want a girlfriend, and I never will!" he shouted, tears coming to his eyes. He never cried when he was angry, but this was more than just anger. He felt humiliated, enraged, heartbroken. And he couldn't stand to be there anymore. He tore off to his room and slammed the door shut. 

As soon as he was behind the closed door, he locked it. His stomach twisted and he felt nauseous, and his heart raced. He could only describe what he was feeling with one word- fear. He was afraid, he felt panicked. He had just come out to his parents without directly saying it, but there was no way that flew over their heads. They knew. They _knew._ Kageyama pressed his back against the wall and slid down to the floor, holding his head in his hands. He rarely cried, the only times he felt any sort of fear were moments before a game, or when it seemed like they might lose. Only this fear was different. This anxiety, this sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach tore at him. He would get kicked out. They would send him to a camp and have him brainwashed into being 'normal,' and they would never accept him in their life again. They would condemn him to hell, force him to change himself from the inside out. And they would never let him be with Hinata. They would never let him see him again, they would transfer him to a different school, he wouldn't be able to play volleyball anymore because he was always surrounded by boys and might possibly be attracted to him. His life was done. He should have kept his mouth shut, he should have just apologize. Why didn't he just apologize!? 

"They know," he mumbled, gasping for air. "They know. I told them, they know, they _know._ " He swallowed thickly. The air wasn't supposed to feel so thick. It was like his was drowning in mud, and every time he breathed his lungs were filling up with a thick liquid. He choked, trying to take in air but his body wouldn't let him, his chest felt unbearably tight. He buried his face in his knees, even though the position made it harder to breathe, he felt calmer like that, if only for a second. He felt like his intestines had tied themselves into a knot and his entire body shook. He felt the vibration of someone knocking on his door, but his brain couldn't process the sound. Everything felt fuzzy, and air around him tingled, he felt dizzy. _I'm going to die. I'm going to die,_ is what he thought. Was it possible he had panicked so much that it had triggered a heart attack? 

He stayed in his room in that same fetal position for what felt like an eternity. He finally managed to calm down, but still did not feel like standing. He was utterly exhausted. His eyes burned and his head hurt, his arms and face were soaked- when did he start crying? This whole thing shouldn't have been so scary, he shouldn't have felt as panicked as he did, but he couldn't help it. He could never face hid parents now. Of course he had to come out at some point. He couldn't starve, that would be overdramatic. He could run away; that was so like him. Always choosing to flee from his problems rather than facing them head on. He wouldn't do that. He had nowhere to go, and he didn't even know what his parents reaction would be. He knew how they felt about sexuality, but they couldn't hate their own son just because of that, right? He had heard of people getting kicked out and worse by their parents, but as he calmed down and thought about the situation, he realized it was unlikely that his parents would do that. 

Sucking up his fear and drying his face, he unlocked his door and slowly opened it. His heart pounded, his palms were sweating, he felt lightheaded. Perhaps they would accept him and everything would be alright. He could go to Hinata and apologize for being such an idiot and they could date. That would be great, but he didn't want to get his hopes up. 

Kageyama walked into the living room and sat down. Originally he was going to directly confront his parents, but he chickened out. He would rather have them confront him. He didn't have to wait long because soon they were in front of him, both looking at each other as if trying to telepathically ask the other what to say. Finally, his dad sighed. 

"Judging by what you said and the way you ran away, I'm guessing that you were implying that...you...aren't...that you're..." Kageyama scoffed. He couldn't even bear to say the word out loud. 

"Just spit it out."

"Are you gay, Tobio?" 

Kageyama swallowed and anxiously tugged at the hem of his shirt. "Y-yeah," he responded quietly. They both sighed heavily, looking at him with concern. 

"You know that isn't normal. We can get you help," his mom said softly. He clenched his teeth. _Help?_

"Help?" he repeated vehemently. "I do not need _help_! I am perfectly normal. What is so bad about not liking girls?" 

"That's not right and you know it. It is the natural way of things for men to like women, and women to like men. You can't be attracted to your same gender. It is not natural," his dad said firmly. 

"Then why have there been people like me since the beginning of time? What is so wrong about it? I don't understand! I like my own gender, what the hell is wrong with that? It's the same kind of love that you feel towards mom!!" Kageyama could feel anger rising in his chest. He didn't want to yell but just the thought that they could think he needed help, that they could be so close-minded, it infuriated him. 

"It isn't the same-" 

"Why? Explain that to me! No matter what you do, no matter what I do, this can't be changed! You can brainwash me, force me to marry a girl, do whatever you can but I will not change. It will only make me feel betrayed by you! How would you like it, if your parents had forced you to like men your whole life when you didn't?" He turned to his mom. "Or for you to like women? And what if you were forced to date or marry, or be attracted to someone that you under no circumstances could not be attracted to? I won't allow you to ruin my life because of who I like!" His face burned and eyes showed his rage. He father stood up in a way to intimidate him then Kageyama stood as well. If he had to fight he would. 

"Okay, let's calm down. Please. Calm down," his mom said. The two men sat down. Kageyama looked off to the side to hide the tears that were now running down his cheeks. It was pointless to argue them. They would not understand. 

"Is there someone..." she started after a few moments of silence. "Is there someone you like?" 

Kageyamas eyes widened and he looked down. "N-no."

"Don't fucking lie!" his dad yelled. "Is it someone on the volleyball team? Do we have to take that away from you?" 

"Shut up!" Kageyama yelled. "Shut up, shut up!" 

"Stop it now!" his mom screamed. "Just stop. Honey, maybe we should give him a chance. I don't agree with it and I don't like it, but he is his own person." 

"What?" 

"You heard what I said! I hate the idea, I don't want him to be this way, but I can't stand the thought of him hating us forever! And...I don't know..." She trailed off. "I don't know..."

"Honey this isn't rational" 

"Please, just give me a chance," Kageyama begged. 

"No," his dad said angrily. "I will not have a son so evil. And I will make you leave the volleyball club. You won't be playing again until you're out of this house." Kageyama swallowed. He couldn't give up volleyball. He couldn't. But was he willing to give up Hinata? 

"Honey, can't we please at least look into this a bit more? I mean, we don't know anything about this...maybe it isn't so bad," his mom said hesitantly. 

"No. If he doesn't change we're taking away volleyball." 

"Fine." She sighed and Kageyama gave her a panicked look, but she shook her head. "Is he really that important to you? That you would give up your life?" His face paled, and his mouth felt dry. Was it worth it? If he wasn't able to play volleyball then he would probably never see Hinata again, unless he sought him out. And what would he tell everyone? He was grounded for being gay? He wanted to quit? Saying he wanted to quit was a pathetic excuse that no one would believe, but he didn't want to tell everyone how he was being raised by homophobic parents. 

"Yeah, he is," he finally stated, giving a sharp nod of his head. "Take away what you want. I'm not changing." He stood up and walked out the door so quickly that he didn't even get a chance to hear what they said next. He managed to grab his shoes as he shot out the door, just so that he would be able to leave. He wasn't sure where he was going, he just knew that he needed to get out of there. 

He climbed onto his bike and rode swiftly along the pavement. Nothing but the sound of his own breathing and the wheels of the bicycle turning accompanied him as he made his way to who-knows-where. It was comforting to feel the breeze flow through his hair. It rippled his clothes around his body, cooling away the anger that he felt. However, once that was gone, a worse feeling of sadness and heartache seeped in to take its place. Before long, Kageyama felt warm tears fall down his cheeks. He blinked to get rid of them, but they continued to fall. The world around him looked so happy. It was dark, but the street lights shined brightly and the trees moved calmly in the wind. It all appeared so peaceful, and any other time he would have enjoyed this late bike ride, but his heart couldn't handle it. 

After aimlessly riding for what felt like an eternity, Kageyama headed back. He retreated to his room and fell asleep nearly as soon as his head hit the pillow. He slept like a rock, the heavy feeling of deep sleep shielding him from the real world. Of course soon he would have to wake up and face all that was happening to him. He couldn't believe that he was doing it all for Hinata. Although was it really of any use, if he could never spend time with him again? 

* * *

"I'm quitting." 

Kageyama's words echoed in Hinata's head. _No._ He felt sick. Sick enough to throw up. All those moments of anxiety and nerves before games couldn't come close to what he was feeling in that moment. "Th-that's funny, Kageyama," came his choked reply. He could barely hear the words coming out of his mouth, much less feel himself speaking them. 

"It's not a joke," he said flatly, though Hinata was almost sure he heard a slight crack in his voice. 

"Kageyama, what do you mean you're _quitting?_ What happened?" Daichi asked, desperation written on his face. 

"You can just ditch us like that man!" Tanaka yelled. "I thought volleyball was your life!" 

"What the hell has gotten into you? Is the King finally dropping his crown?" Tsukishima snarked, raising a judgemental eyebrow. 

"Everyone calm down!" Ukai shouted. He took a deep breath and walked over to Kageyama. He held a straight face, but it was apparent that he was having trouble keeping his cool. "Kageyama, please explain to me, in detail, why you are quitting, and what the heck do you mean you're quitting?!" Kageyama looked off to the side. 

"Just, uh, lost interest in the game, I guess." 

"That's a lame excuse. Since when?" 

"Since I lost interest!" Kageyama retorted. "Are you gonna force me to stay?" 

"I can't, unfortunately. But I'm going to have to ask you, beg you to reconsider. This team needs you. You have valuable friends here and you are an extremely important asset to this team. You are giving up a lifetime of amazing memories. You are giving up a whole hell lot more than you know," Ukai said, attempting to hold back his anger. Seeing Kageyama giving up so suddenly was doing little for his temper, and he could only imagine how heartbroken everyone would be to have the setter leave. 

"Like hell I don't know that," Kageyama said through clenched teeth. "But my decision is final. Thanks for everything guys." He bowed deeply but only to hide the tears that were once again forming in his eyes. The rest of the members were too shocked to say goodbye as he made his way out of the gym. 

Hinata could not overcome the shock that washed over him. He was utterly heartbroken. His knees gave out beneath him and he sank to the floor. Suddenly ever victory seemed worthless. Every future practice game, every tournament seemed hopeless. He always knew that he and Kageyama might someday part ways, but not like this. They were meant to play together, they were made for each other. At least that's what he had thought. Kageyama was half the reason he fought so hard- no _more_ than half the reason. And just like that, he was gone. Nothing could have prepared him for the onslaught of pain that he felt. 

"Hinata, are you alright?" came the soft voice of Sugawara. He was suddenly aware of being surrounded by multiple people. Was he okay? Of course not. Could he let them see that? Of course not. He nodded. 

"Y-yeah, I'm fine." 

He stayed there, sitting on the gym floor as the team discussed what they would do without Kageyama. While each person had great strength and they all worked well together, losing Kageyama was a huge blow to them. Sugawara was a great setter, but he couldn't perform the quick attacks that he and Hinata did. It was obvious that Hinata was extremely hurt by the whole matter, and that didn't make things any easier on the rest of them. Hinata wouldn't quit volleyball just because Kageyama did, but he might lose his fire. 

* * *

Hinata spent the rest of the week miserable and depressed. Volleyball practice continued as usual, but his playing was off. He couldn't seem to make a single spike. His jumps were off, his hits always too soft. Everything around him felt dead.

Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. It had only been a week since Kageyama left and already Hinata was in agony. He knew that he had been rejected and that Kageyama had made up his mind, but he just needed some clarity. He had to find Kageyama. Even if his head was telling him not to, his heart was screaming at him to confront the idiot. He had to get some sort of explanation from him. All he done was act confusing and ridiculous. He had messed with Hinata's feelings to the point of breaking him, and to top it all off, he quit the club. He had said nothing about transferring to another school, nothing about joining a different club, only that he had lost interest. Was it Hinata's fault? Had he done something so horrible that Kageyama could never bear to look at him again, never even play volleyball again? 

He thought back on that day, only a week ago and it stung. He would find Kageyama, yell at him, get an explanation, then never see him again. That was his plan. 

At the end of the day, he spotted the smooth black hair on his way home and his blood boiled. "KAGEYAMA!!!" he screamed. He ran full force at Kageyama and slammed into his back hard enough to knock them both to the ground. 

"What the hell Hinata?" Kageyama grunted, turning himself over. Hinata pinned him down, using all the strength he had in his small body and began punching the larger male, beating at his face and chest. Tears streamed down his face in hot torrents and he screamed loud enough for the whole countryside to hear. He continued to punch Kageyama, while Kageyama held his hands up in front of his face and tried to move away. 

"Stop it! Agh! What are you doing??" Hinata dug his knee into Kageyama's stomach and kicked down, driving his leg into his ribs. He hadn't knocked Kageyama down with the intention of hurting him, but once he had control, all his rage poured out. 

"Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, FUCK YOU!!" he cried. He landed one last weak blow against Kageyama's chest, while he stared up at Hinata, wide-eyed. His nose was bleeding and one of his eyes was sporting a major bruise, but he barely felt the pain as he watched Hinata cry. "Why? Why did you quit? Why did you mess with me? Why? There has to be some explanation!" he whimpered as his voice cracked. "I've never felt so hurt in my life! Humiliated! You just-you just...." He covered his face to hide his tears. 

Kageyama couldn't figure out what to say. He knew he needed to tell him, but how? He couldn't find the words. "I-I had to." 

"Why? Why, why, why, why-"

"Shut up!"

"Why, why, why, why, why-

"I said shut up!" Kageyama twisted his legs around Hinata's and rolled him over so that he was now pinned to the ground. Hinata turned his head to the side as tears streamed down his face into the dirt. 

"Were you really just using me like that? Why did you...why did you tell me you loved me?" He squeezed his eyes shut. Kageyama clenched his jaw and let go of Hinata. He rolled off to the side and sat up and looked off into the distance. He couldn't make eye contact with Hinata. 

"I said it 'cause I meant it, dammit," he said quietly. Hinata sat up, eyes wide. 

"You...you meant it? Then why...? No, this is another sick joke, isn't it. You'll make me feel all happy and then mock me." He crossed his arms and scowled. 

"No! I'm not lying...I just... God I'm so stupid," he groaned, putting his head in his hands. His heart pounded as he looking at the ground through his arms. He could hear Hinata breathing softly beside him while he waited for an answer, but Kageyama wasn't sure whether he could give it to him. He needed to, he needed to make things right. He couldn't leave the person he loved so much thinking the worst of him. Although he didn't want Hinata thinking about the fact that there were people Kageyama knew so closely that were ashamed of the both of them, he realized that his actions had been a huge mistake. "I wasn't thinking when we...ugh. My parents don't agree with this stuff." He gestured between the two of them. Hinata tilted his head in confusion. 

"Huh?"

"My parents are...they're homophobic, yeah. And I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to be hurt by the fact that they would...that they would fucking hate you. I messed up. That wasn't the right thing to do to you, and I know you won't forgive me, you don't have to, but I really really am sorry and I can't describe how much it hurt me to do that to you and to know I made you cry and broke your fucking heart damn it. A-and I slipped up. I told them I-I am gay and now I can't go back to volleyball club because I chose you over volleyball and I had to make up some excuse as to why I was leaving so I said I just lost interest! I just didn't want everyone knowing the real reason, I just wanted everything to be fine! I thought it would be easier for you to forget about me, because then you would just think that I was an asshole and you wouldn't feel like there was something wrong with you." He pulled his knees to his chest in order to hide his face but when he felt Hinata shuffle closer to him, he looked up. 

"Kageyama..." Hinata didn't know what to say. He couldn't feel mad after Kageyama said all that. He was still hurt, but now that he knew the reasons it wasn't as painful. "You gave up volleyball because you still wanted to see me..." 

"Yeah."

"That's...I can't believe you would do that. You would still be seeing me at volleyball practice!"

"I know, but it was more than that! They said if I didn't force myself to stop liking to you, if I didn't force myself to change then I would have to leave the club. And I can't. No matter how hard I've tried all my life I can't!" He growled in frustration to mask his sadness with anger. Hinata shuffled in front of him and gently placed his hands on his arms. 

"Kageyama," he said softly. Kageyama looked up and was met with Hinata's eyes. They were full of feeling, full of love and concern for him. "We'll find some way around this. I promise you. We'll make it or my name isn't Shouyou Hinata!" Kageyama chuckled softly. 

"You're a dork."

"Sh-shut up! I was trying to be serious. Motivational," he pouted. Kageyama smiled and undressed his arms so that he could hold Hinata. 

"You've always motivated me. You're like an endless ray of light. You're like the sun." Hinata blushed, looking off to the side.

"Don't say that..." 

"But it's true." He looked into Hinata's eyes. Those eyes always captivated him. They were like bowls of deep amber that reflected sunlight and held a warm glow in them. Everything about Hinata, from his soft, ginger hair, to his beautiful, perfect smile, it pulled Kageyama in deeper and deeper. He could sit like this forever, on the side of the quiet road, just looking at Hinata. 

"Hey." 

Kageyama was taken out of his stupor and nodded in response. 

"Can I kiss you?"

Kageyama blushed darkly and hummed in response. Hinata put his hand against Kageyama's heart and softly kissed him. He could feel Kageyama's heartbeat through his whole body, the gentle thrum becoming louder and faster the more they kissed. They pressed their bodies together, aching to feel more of each other, to show the other how much they needed them. Kageyama put his hand against the small of Hinata's back and pulled his waist forward. Hinata drew in ragged breaths as the kiss deepened and continued, taking in all of the boy before him. His hands roamed over Kageyama's strong shoulders, fingers brushing softly against his back and the base of his neck. He felt Kageyama run his hand down his back in a soothing motion, then he reached down and grabbed his ass, giving the supple flesh a gentle squeeze. Hinata moaned against his lips at the feeling and his heart danced in his chest. Kageyama then pulled away and began placing soft kisses along Hinata's jaw and cheeks. 

"I love you," he mumbled between kisses. "I love you." He kissed his forehead. "I love you." His cheeks. "I love you." His chin. "I love you." His lips. Hinata's stung with tears threatening to fall. Kageyama reached up and wiped them away with his finger and continued to brush his hand against his cheek. 

"Kageyama," he breathed. "I love you Kageyama. Please stay with me." 

"I will," he replied softly against Hinata's soft, swollen lips. "Forever." 

They stayed there holding each other for the next five minutes, just taking each other in. But eventually they had to separate. They were filled with a bittersweet feeling, knowing that a real relationship was impossible, but also knowing what they really felt about each other. 

"We'll figure something out, right, Kageyama?" Hinata asked as they began heading their separate ways.

"Yeah. Yeah we will," he replied halfheartedly. 

"You don't sound convinced."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"If things don't change now, we'll be adults in a couple of years," Hinata said. He looked up at Kageyama. "If we have to, we can wait for each other, right?" Kageyama smiled and nodded. 

"Yeah. Just a couple years. Not too long, right?" he asked smiling. 

"Mhm!" Hinata exclaimed. "We can go to college together, play on the same team! And we can be...together." Kageyama swallowed the lump forming in his throat and Hinata looked like he was going to cry again. He ran forward and threw his arms around Kageyama in such a desperate fashion that it was as if he would never see him again. 

"You know we can see each other tomorrow, right?" 

"Yeah, I know. I just wanted to hug you again," Hinata said with a bashful smile. Kageyama shook his head. 

"You're cute." 

Hinata gawked at him and before he could say anything back Kageyama was already sprinting away. 

"Ughhhh damn it Kageyama! I'm not cute!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter sucked honestly. I had a really hard time writing it. I'm not part of the LGBTQ+ community so I'm really sorry if i got his parents reaction/his reaction wrong. I kind of based it off of how my parents would react if I told them that I am a straight ally, or if anyone in my family came out as LGBTQ+. I hope you liked this chapter anyway!

**Author's Note:**

> Aha that was terrible and I actually almost cried while writing the last part :') Tell me what you thought!


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